<Ellen went back to Joe Harrison today after their separation–> Today hurry and bustle to get away to Ogden and barely accomplished it after a busy day. Meeting in the 14th Ward turned it into a Suffrage meeting. I could not go it stormed fearfully and I made my way to the depot in the blinding rain snow & sleet– stormed all the way and very cold when I arrived. the children just out of baths waiting up for me to come. Q. and Daniel gave me a pretty pair of gloves, Sweetie [Louise Cannon] & Margaret a white apron embroidered with lavender ribbon– Annie a new best bonnet, John Q. a green stuff dress with striped combination goods. It seemed so nice to be there with the sweet children. 48 years since I was baptized by Elder McGee [Eli P. Maginn] in New Salem [p. 84] {p. 86}

This morning I lay in bed late– but when I did get up we were all together and enjoyed so much looking over the pretty things and talking of the past– the present and the good days to come. I thoroughly appreciate my visits here and only wish I could change around and go to Belle’s and Mell’s & Verona’s and see them and their dear ones as often. It seems dreadful to be separated as we are and no immediate prospect of meeting again. How different from the days when we were all within reach of each other and could go backwards and forwards as we desired, and there was so much more to make life a pleasure, and the affections were cultivated to a higher and finer degree [p. 85] {p. 87}

Today I have lingered here dreading to go home, it seems too bad to break the spell and go back where I shall not hear the little children’s voices, and begin over again the battle with the world. Annie is in part shut off from participation in these grave and serious questions & I sometimes think that the days when, we were all of us shut in these mountain fastnesses without knowledge of the world or what was going on outside– and while my children were too young to wander away from me, were the days most to be cherished in memory. John Q. took me to the depot in the afternoon and I arrived home, when Ellen Daisie & Joe were all in the parlor together [p. 86] {p. 88}

I believe it was this day that I had the money from my husband one thousand dollars in a check, the first distribution it is to help get me a home, in what way does not yet appear. I had a long talk with Rule he understands me thoroughly and feels as I do that it would be doing me a great injustice if I were not given more. He is very honorable and upright and would suffer wrong rather than do a wrong, but nevertheless he can only act as his father dictates and the Squire¹ will not bear any dictation. I feel Rule is safe to rely upon I regret I have not a son to speak for me as all the others have, but I must submit to the divine guidance and destiny that has overshadowed my life. [p. 87] {p. 89}

Yesterday I was so nearly overcome with my feelings when talking to Rule that I scarcely realized what I had given to me or handed into my keeping. Today I begin to consider and wonder what the best course will be. For the present I will leave it with the Co-op Wagon and Machine Co. until I know what I want to do. What can I do towards a home with one thousand dollars as things are now, nothing– and my own home would have given me a competence in my declining years. I should have had the opportunity of doing what my whole life’s ambition prompted publishing and succeeding in literature at least so far as giving my work to the world, which now seems farther off than ever before– [p. 88] {p. 90}

I have so much anxiety of late, my spirits are always at low ebb– I hear the sound of the ocean in the air sobbing and sighing and my thoughts keep time to the melody Daisie is not very happy here, she has not much society that suits her, all too old, and staid I think. No girls of her own age to talk and laugh and sing and dance with her; she feels the long engagement perhaps and yet would not change it for anything. Across the way the Zion’s Savings Bank Building is going on famously– the height is six stories and the ornamental work is very imposing. The Old Constitution Building has been taken down to make room for a new one to be erected for mercantile purposes, hate to see old landmarks removed– [p. 89] {p. 91}

Sister Rachel [Ivins] Grant’s birthday– she is off in Colorado along with Emily [Wells Grant]² & her two little children;³ what strange circumstances transpire in the lives of the Latter day Saints, and how mysteriously things are brought about. Abbie [Wells Young Chapin] has her place now in her own name, so I see and I am very glad it is so, for women thus situated have few positive rights or claims upon anything tangible. The law places so many restrictions upon them and the social claim is very indistinct and indefinite, therefore the best way is to lay hold of whatever legitimate possession one may with propriety accept– I hope the conditions of plural wives will be better ere long. Heaven help them and give grace and strength equal to our day– [p. 90] {p. 92}

Mr. Sears birthday and he is in Salt Lake City with his family who are privileged to be at home I had mailed previously a handsome watch charm or locket for him that used to be Louie [Louisa Wells Cannon]’s– but he will not receive it until he goes back– I suppose Belle would write him a birthday letter she generally writes him every day when he is away from home– I have not seen him yet, Belle tells me that Sep has done in black and white a good likeness of little Frankie [Frank C. Sears]– Mary Ann [Needham Sears]’s little boy who died last fall.⁴ The day is fine but very cold and raw. Letter from Verona I do not answer all my letters now– my heart is so full all the time. I pray for grace and hope to win the day. [p. 91] {p. 93}

Rose in good time looked over my husband’s letter written the night before and sent it off by post– hurried to the Depot– drove to Annie’s (after reaching Ogden by train) in a carriage. Spent a very happy day with Annie and the children and in the evening with John Q. Annie and the children. Such beautiful little precious ones, and so sweet-mannered and spirits so bright. Home like theirs is indeed heaven, and I realize it most fully when I am there. Annie is indeed a lovely mother and John Q. a patient, amiable and good father– in this world where there is so much to pass through and endure such places are springs in the vast human desert. [p. 92] {p. 94}

Baby Daniel’s birthday one year old– gave him a silver spoon engraved D. March 10./90– stayed all day at Annie’s missed the train came down in the evening. Belle sent Daniel a rubber dog. Mrs. Olive [Browning] Wallace gave him a very handsome hood silk crochet her own work. He also had from Geo. Q. a bank– Louise a whip Margaret a pair of lines with bells and papa and Mama shoes & dress and embroidered flannel shirts. Hailstorm on the way from Ogden– snow in the City on my return. Daisie here alone– letters waiting from here and there, none from my own folks– dismal and windy– sat up late wretched in my feelings– trying to think what would be the best course for future action [p. 93] {p. 95}

Felt very ill this morning Lena [Helena Fobes Wells] came to clean– confusion reigned– callers frequent– Lula and Levi [W. Richards]– Aunt Zina. sent off Suffrage leaflets– Memorial for Regents (Ladies) to be appointed on the Regency for the University of Deseret Mrs. M. I. Horne & Mrs. Nellie [Rebecca Ellen Mantle] Little– read in the Council today– Gov. [Arthur L.] Thomas had already appointed.⁵ Daisie has been out most of the day Martha [Harris] Wells called– Sent off a lot of Receipts. Am making preparations to go to Sanpete Thursday Morning– Saw Br. [Charles O.] Card today also Susa Y. Gates article in North American Review Suffrage Meeting yesterday report from Washington favorable– Br. [last name redacted] of Monroe committed suicide in the 6th Ward– lonely tonight– dark and dismal outside, evidences of storms. [p. 94] {p. 96}

Today has been a very busy one– preparing copy and getting myself ready. paper just out and no mailing done as yet. David [H.] Kimball, Sarah Ann [Whitney Kimball]’s David started on a mission to the Southern States– he called on me but I did not see him– suppose he fancied I was away from home– my dress came home– it is much too good to wear on such a journey– new bonnet too a gift from Annie– tomorrow morning the train leaves seven ten– I have written to night to Bemtano’s London– to W. C. Hendrie New York City and to Clara B. [Bewick] Colby Beatrice and J. H. Hughes of Salt Lake I am intensely weary [p. 95] {p. 97}

Left on early morning train for Manti alone weary and exhausted Sister Hyde joined me at Nephi and we talked all the way to Ephraim, where I left her and came on to Manti, met my husband here cordial welcome every thing in readiness, O the joy of being once more in his dear presence– his room is so nice and we are so cosy by the large grate and such a comfortable fire in it. We [27 words redacted relating to a private family matter] have been married more than 37. years– how odd it seems I do not feel old neither does he– we are young to each other and that is well [p. 96] {p. 98}

Drove to Ephraim with Sister Jesson [Diantha Broderson Jessen] attended the Sisters Relief Society Conference of Sanpete Stake, Pres. [Canute] Peterson and Counselor [Henry A.] Beal on the stand. Sisters M. A. Hyde M. W. Snow, Sarah [Nelson] Peterson and others– went to dine with a large company at Pres. Peterson’s– had a pleasant time fine dinner. Afternoon meeting spoke three quarters of an hour. Pres. Peterson was one of the speakers, Sister Hyde spoke in tongues Minerva interpreted.⁶ drove home had a pleasant evening) quite a company in the parlor conversation general, had a pleasant visit with my husband I am enjoying these few days most fully in my association with him [p. 97] {p. 99}

Saturday morning we heard the noise and stir of the Piper family leaving the house early to catch the train for home. After breakfast Sister Jesson and I drove off in the buggy to Ephraim again & attended the Conference of the Young Ladies. Sister Hyde spoke in tongues and I gave the interpretation, in the afternoon we had the Primary Conference & the same thing occurred again. I spoke both forenoon and afternoon [p. 98] {p. 100}

Sunday morning we both rose late. I wrote a few lines in Sister [Catherine Ann Conover] Hunt’s album– and one of the girls– one I wrote in the night before. We went to the meeting house together and Br. W. K. [Bishop William T.] Reid preached all about the Legislature. In the evening we visited some alone, and we had a little talk about family affairs, went after meeting to the Temple where we were all alone together in that grand and solemn place. O, how perfect seemed the hours we spent together there, no sound but our own voices all so heavenly. [p. 99] {p. 101}

Bade my husband good bye– left him in bed and came away with Mrs. Jesson in the buggy. Our parting was a most affectionate one for the time had been passed in sweet and delightful intercourse [communication]⁷ drove to Chester where I took the train, at Nephi attended James Udall’s funeral⁸ dined at Sister [Mary Mitchell] Pitchforth’s arrived in the city safe & took the Denver train for Ogden was very late ten years since Annie’s marriage. [p. 100] {p. 102}

Staid all day with Annie John Q. took us out for a ride in the after noon, we enjoyed it very much– tho’ the air was cold. Then John Q. took me to the train and on the way home a young woman asked my protection came home with me and staid all night. Found Daisie all right and all quiet & peaceful [p. 101] {p. 103}

Today I was invited to the 8th Ward Primary but could not attend Lydia Ann came in to see me talked of Kitty Ann Hunt–⁹ seems to feel unpleasant about it– I do not care in the least– she is welcome if he loves her and wishes to take her to wife. I am not jealous, while I have my mind free from embarrassment and can exercise it for my own advancement I do not care for the personal attractions of any other woman. If he does not love me then it is sad after all these years of devotion [p. 102] {p. 104} but I cannot afford to weep and lament and ruin my own life for that.

Today they expected me at Nephi and I could not go so went over to Aunt Zina who had forgotten she ever promised and was going to the 20th Ward, but decided it was her duty to attend the Conference at Nephi– I went to invite and urge Sister Bathsheba [W. Bigler Smith] to go and she consented We were all to have gone to the 20th Ward but the other seemed more important. I called to see Mrs. Dougall who had been in Washington and heard her glowing description of the visit. She said the ladies inquired kindly after me and asked why I had not come. I think she has seen the golden side of the affair and it has given her much courage [p. 103] {p. 105}

Today is little Herbert [W. Sears]’s birthday. Sep. called on me yesterday and I spoke to him of the dear old garden. he would have bought it once, he says, but O, he must be induced to let Belle help me in this matter– it is such a dismal day and I have been all day long thinking of my own unhappy past and wondering whether the clouds will clear away at last. I sat up late writing Hephzibah– such a wonderful story– so true and so full of imagery and puzzles. Ort has been in to see me and is in much better spirits. He is up and down either lofty or downcast in mental activity lots of strangers in town– Mrs. Beattie [Marion Mumford Beatie] is very much affected with paralysis– and her mind is somewhat affected– [p. 104] {p. 106}

This morning almost the first thing strangers calling and all day it kept up– a party of five occupied nearly my whole afternoon– a minister of the Dutch Reform Church and his wife– a lady from Oneida N.Y. and a lawyer from Bennington Vt. they were rather a pleasant crowd except the minister’s wife who was exceedingly offensive in her tone and manner. Thought she knew it all. The day was wearisome and oppressive and I had wished so much to go to Ogden and the hindrances of company &c kept me beyond time I wrote several official letters to Sisters who preside over Stake organizations [p. 105] {p. 107}

Did not rise early enough to take the train and therefore lay quite late to rest finding myself behind time– wrote some letters mailed one to my husband and one to Mell. Rained all day we both Daisie and I stayed in and had a quiet time, wrote all the evening, Br. [Brigham H.] Roberts preached in the Tabernacle, not a very good house, many strangers. I know, Annie will be sadly disappointed and the children I want so much to see them all– but I seem unable to get away. [p. 106] {p. 108}

This morning early had to be up to read proof and hurry the girls. Some gentlemen called early and several ladies came on business. John Q. came down from Ogden, said how disappointed they were. I was very glad to hear how they were. Br. [George Q.] Cannon is in Beaver Abram [H. Cannon] returned from San Francisco Sunday last. The paper is all up now and proofs read. Received a letter from England asking advice and favors, which I cannot answer until I see Br. Cannon <Daisie went to the Chorale–> [p. 107] {p. 109}

A dismal dreary day. News from Washington that Ass’t Dis. Att’y¹⁰ Wm. McKay had been dismissed. It will fall heavily upon his family and be a source of rejoicing to many of our people who have been prosecuted during his term of office and whom he took special delight in torturing. This evening Daisie & I went down to the 12th Ward house and spent the evening, Gersh [Gershom]– brought us home in the buggy. Daisie is more cheerful. [p. 108] {p. 110}

This morning Daisie had a letter from her mother. it was not a cheerful one and the wind blew fiercely and chimneys smoked and fires blazed out so it seemed very disagreeable. Aunt Zina came to see me and reported her visit to Nephi– Sister Smith had failed to go as was expected. Aunt Zina was lonely as usual. Strangers again, questions without number– Ellen has been up– a snow storm set in after the wind and fell heavy for March– this evening two ladies called, one of them from Boston Mrs. Everett– sister to Mrs. Lemmon– whom I met some years ago. She is a most interesting woman, one that gives you a fillip as dear Mrs. [Hannah Tapfield] King would say. have sent off 22 letters to Pres’ts of Relief Society Stakes– also letter to Sister [Sarah Pitchforth] Kienke of Nephi [p. 109] {p. 111}

Today have worked very hard– it has been fine weather– John Q. came down I saw him for a minute only– said they were well– all of them, my dear ones– Daisie has had a letter from Mell, speaks pitifully of Verona– Arthur Crichelow [Arthur B. Critchlow] called on D. D. today he is in from the ranche on the Colorado plains. Had news of Mrs. Foster’s confinement it happened on the 25th. a girl– so glad it is over– Daisie & I dined at Ellen’s in her new home, everything so nice & neat– wrote seven letters to the Presidents of Stakes that finishes for this Conference the official notices– Lyde Emeline & Rubie [Wells] called today– [p. 110] {p. 112}

This is Kate’s birthday, she was the first child born in the family after I was married into it, in the very room where I sit to do my writing day after day– Poor Katie I would like to see her happily married. Tonight’s telegrams bring news of storms and cyclones in the East most terrific. Calamities overtaking the nation. Caroline Raleigh [Wells] & Susan [Noble] Grant spent the morning with me, and Minnie [Christensen] came down to see me, will come and stay during Conference week. It has been a very beautiful day indeed sunny and bright, yet we do not feel that the storm is over. I heard that the Hon. Arthur Maitland Stenhouse¹¹ had arrived from the North, come to Conference no doubt– My husband will close his labors in the Temple today for a short time– tomorrow we shall see him again I sincerely hope. [p. 111] {p. 113}

The morning not very bright thought first thing of my husband whom I expected would be on the way from the Temple at Manti, to come to the City for Conference, Would be so glad to know how he was, whether comfortable & if any one were coming with him.

Commenced a Poem on April last evening, hope to be able to get it ready for the April <1st> number.¹² Such a dismal day, so unpleasant, nothing very cheerful– City full of people running hither and thither, it is said that the real estate market is depressed Have been out on errands & bought Margaret a cup and saucer for her birthday, china, she will be four years old little April flower Went down to my old garden tonight. The dearest place to me I can possibly imagine. All alone Daisie at Mrs. Almy’s social– [p. 112] {p. 114}

<Mailed a letter to Verona written last evening–> Went to the depot this morning in a pouring rain cold and mixed with sleet drenched through to the very skin, chilly and shivering all the way to Ogden. Richard [J.] Taylor & Brs. [George] Goddard and [Joseph W.] Summerhays were on the train and I conversed with them. Arrived safe but cold and nervous. Sister Zarbuck [Theresa Rodemann Zarbock] was at Annie’s also Ferdinand [H. Zarbock], the horse and buggy– had a nice time with Annie and a pleasant evening with them all. Enjoyed the evening talking of past and the German mission and travels. The little ones were sweet and entertaining and I felt so much better to be there with them than being here at home alone. I slept with Annie as Sister Zarbuck had my room and John Q. and George Q. took the parlor with a bed on the floor. [p. 113] {p. 115}

Came away from Annie’s in time to catch the train. Waited in Ogden for some time & then started at full speed for home. Arriving between one and two, found the girls had copy even if I had stayed all day– However it was better that I came home and also as Daisie seems to mourn about working, when she needs to practise. I have been very greatly depressed of late, and can scarcely rise above it at all. I am expecting my husband to call but do not know how it will be– he may be afraid of the Marshals. Preparations are being made for Conference and the City is flooded with tourists. Several have called upon me and it would be quite interesting if one had nothing else urgent to do but when one is so busy and has not time even to dress it is embarrassing [p. 114] {p. 116}